If
there's one thing that we Compassion sponsors hear over and over
again, it's the importance of letters. How much the children love our
letters, how much they value them, how special it makes them feel to
hear from their sponsor. And many of us can attest to the truth of
that... our children write long, glowing letters detailing how much
they enjoy our photos and that they shared our letters with all their
friends and family.
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| A child in Brazil writes a letter to her sponsor. Photo Copyright Compassion International. |
But
for some, it's not that simple. Sometimes, the stream of
communication between you and your sponsored child seems more like a
trickle, and sometimes it even dries up for a while. Sometimes the
letters come regularly but are repetitive and ask the same questions
over and over again, until it sounds more like a robot is writing
instead of a child.
Why
is that?
Every
Compassion-assisted child is required to write at least two letters
per year to their sponsor. If you haven't heard from your child in
six months, you can request that Compassion staff do an inquiry. They
will send a note to the child's project, requesting that they write a
letter. I feel it's important to mention this... I have seen far too
many otherwise well-meaning sponsors drop a child simply because they
haven't heard from them in 2 - 3 months. Compassion staff are always
happy to look into the situation if something doesn't seem right!
But
beyond that, there could be several reasons why your child doesn't
respond to your questions, or why they may not write for an extended
period of time. Sometimes, the child may be absent from the project
for one reason or another, on the scheduled writing day. Perhaps they
or someone in their family is ill, perhaps they are visiting family
in another community, etc.
Children
generally bring their letters home with great excitement, to show
their family. They tuck the letter into a safe spot, inside their
schoolbooks or under their pillow, or maybe in a box that they keep
especially for letters. When the next letter writing day comes
around, the child may not have your letter handy, and so they may
forget to answer a specific question you've asked.
Keep
in mind that many cultures are based on oral traditions. Many
children don't study the art of letter-writing as children do in the
Western world. Perhaps you are the first and only person your child
has ever written a letter to! In the beginning, they may need a lot
of help and prompting, and letters may seem stiff and formal.
In
order to help with the letter writing process, teachers and tutors
may write an "example letter" on the blackboard, for the
children to copy. Some children, of course, take this very literally
and copy the same letter word for word each time. Don't be
discouraged if this is the case... your child is likely putting in a
tremendous amount of effort to compose the "perfect letter"
that their sponsor will be happy with!
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A young woman in Kenya wearing traditional Maasai dress looks at the camera.
Photo Copyright Compassion International. |
Also,
keep in mind that your child may be struggling in school. Children
are able to be registered in Compassion's program up until 9 years of
age, and many of them are finally able to attend school for the first
time at that age. So it may take them a few years to learn how to
write, and they will be assisted by a tutor who will write for them
during this time. Some children with disabilities may never learn to
write, and may rely on a tutor to write for them for their entire
duration in Compassion's program. But even if the child never learns
to read or write, a tutor is always available to read the children's
letters out loud to them; and they still enjoy photos and stickers!
And
sometimes, children just don't enjoy writing. If you are a parent,
I'm sure you know that trying to get little Johnny or Suzy to write a
thank-you note to Grandma or to write a paragraph for school, can be
like pulling teeth at times. Some children are extremely bubbly and
talkative in person, but when faced with a blank piece of paper, have
no idea what to say. I think we all can identify with feeling that
way occasionally!
And
sometimes, the reason may be much deeper... which leads me to a story
I feel that I should share with you.
A
couple of years ago, I was assigned an older correspondent... a young
lady. For her privacy, I won't share her name. I began writing
enthusiastically.
Her
first letter was stiff and stilted, but I really appreciated the
effort she obviously went to. She also included a lovely drawing of a
flower, which I cherished as I don't often receive drawings from my
older students.
Her
next letter, however, was even shorter and more stiff. Only a few
lines. And her third letter wasn't even written by her, but by a
staff member at her Compassion project. This continued.... for
letter, after letter, after letter.
I
will be the first to admit that I was discouraged. But I gritted my
teeth and kept pouring love into her life. I created colorful photo
collages, I searched for flowery stationery to use, I printed
encouraging Bible verses on pretty paper, I told her how special she
was and how beautiful she was and how much I loved her.
And
still the letters continued, a few months apart, with the same few
short lines each time and the same drawing of a flower.
It
was during this time that Compassion was able to share with me a
little bit of my sweet girl's history. She was 15 years old when I
began to write her, and had been registered in the program since she
was 5. Ten whole years. She had had more then one sponsor during that
time, but had never received a letter.
My
heart broke. As I mentioned above, every Compassion child is required
to write their sponsors at least twice a year. I can only imagine
this sweet child's pain, writing again and again into a void, with
never an answer. Never a photograph. Never a word of encouragement.
Never a "Happy Birthday" or "Merry Christmas" or
"I love you." Years going by, watching her friends receive
letters, and never one for her. I believe that, after a while, she
simply gave up. Maybe she thought her sponsor didn't love her. Maybe
she thought that she was somehow not good enough, or her letters
weren't good enough, or that her sponsor simply didn't care. I don't
know why her sponsor chose not to write, and I can't judge them for
that... they may have been going through circumstances that I know
nothing about.
What
I do know, is that it seemed to be enough to make Sweet Girl give up
on ever hearing from her sponsor. And even when I poured love and
letters into her life, she was just too afraid, perhaps, to reach
out. To take the chance of being hurt and rejected again. Maybe she
believed it was just too good to be true.... I'll never know. So she
sat with her tutor every couple of months, answered his questions,
and drew a simple flower on the back of each letter.
And
this is where the true heroes of the story stepped in: Staff at the
Compassion International Office, and staff at Sweet Girl's Compassion
center.
I
was able to place an inquiry with Compassion U.S. staff. They agreed
that since she had written her own first letter, she was clearly
capable of writing on her own. It was odd for her letters to be
continually written by her tutors, so they contacted the in-country
office to get to the bottom of the mystery.
To
this day, I have no idea what Sweet Girl's tutors told her. I can
imagine they approached her with all the love and kindness in the
world, and told her that her sponsor really wanted to hear from her.
I'm sure they told her how much she was loved and how anxious her
sponsor was to see a letter written in her own handwriting. And
together, they decided that they would also send "Sponsor"
a nice photo of Sweet Girl writing her letter, and another one of her
standing and smiling proudly, holding the letter she'd written.
I
have no idea what those dear tutors told her. But whatever they said,
worked. The floodgates opened, and I began to receive two letters at
a time from Sweet Girl. She poured her heart out. She answered my
questions. She introduced me to her family. We bonded over our shared
love of music. She asked for photos of my friends and sent her
greetings to my family members.
The
day that she opened her letter with, "Dear Auntie Hannah, I am
so proud that you are my sponsor," I cried.
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A child looks through a bundle of letters from her sponsor.
Photo Copyright Compassion International. |
What
if I had given up on Sweet Girl.... what if I had stopped writing to
her, or only sent her the bare minimum of letters?
I
could never have done it, I know... because if I ever heard God speak
to me in my life, I heard him when Sweet Girl joined my family. And
what He said to me clearly was, "Fight for this child."
Fight
for her. Pour love into her until it overflows and spills everywhere.
Encourage her. Lift her up.
I
would say the same to you, if you have a child that it seems
impossible to connect with. Fight for them. Love them like you've
never loved anyone before. Because the people who are the hardest to
love, are often the ones who need it most. Don't give up.
"For
as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven, and do not return
there, but water the earth, and make it bring forth and bud, that it
may give seed to the sower and bread to the eater,
So shall My
word be that goes forth from My mouth; it shall not return to Me
void, but it shall accomplish what I please, and it shall prosper in
the thing for
which I sent it."
Isaiah
55:10-11
